Kin

During the first few years of our marriage I was pretty uptight whenever I was around Nathan’s family.  They were so different from my own family; fun, boisterous and at times a little obscene.  The first time I was introduced to his whole family (aunts, uncles, cousins and shirttail relations) was at his brother Roman’s wedding just a month after we started dating.

I remember that night well for two reasons, the first being that I had never met such a large group of family and friends who were so close.  Nathan’s mom is one of five children; four girls and one boy and they all have kids.  I think Nathan has seven or eight cousins on just his mom’s side.  Some we see more often than others, but that night most of them were there and they treated me as one of their own.  This was especially significant because Nathan had just separated from his wife and I was the “new girlfriend.”  That’s the other reason I remember the night well.  I felt as though I was being examined as the next potential wife, which I actually ended up being a couple years later.

Three of Nathan’s cousins, all teenagers at the time who are now three very lovely young women, took me out onto the dance floor and tried to teach me how to country line dance.  I remember looking back at Nathan as I laughed and stepped in time to the music and basically just sucked at the whole thing.  I could tell this was a nice moment for him and it meant a lot that I didn’t just sit in a chair the entire night.  His family made it easy for me to be at ease.

In spite of that night, I still felt awkward around his immediate family.  Even after Nathan and I were married, I was sure they were waiting for me to bail as his last wife did.  It was probably all in my head, but I felt like they were keeping me at arm’s length and I in turn did the same to them.  We live a good hour away from his parents and brothers and at times have felt that distance translate into a feeling of alienation.  We’re the ones who live in “the city” and are the only ones who don’t live five steps away from either my in-law’s house or the family’s feed store.

After Autumn was born I finally realized how wonderful these people are.  Roman and Joy came to visit me in the hospital with their twin boys, Tye and Alex, who couldn’t wait to hold their new baby cousin.  Even now they still love to sit Autumn in their laps and argue over who gets to pose with her when pictures are taken.  I never thought I’d witness twelve-year-old boys fight over who gets to hold a baby.

Unfortunately I don’t have as many positive things to say about my side of the family.  I have a very small family, not at all tight knit like Nathan’s.  Words like “opportunistic,” “parasitic” and “narcissistic” come to mind when I think of some of them.  At one time we all got along well enough to tolerate being together during holidays and birthdays, but now that we’re older our patience with one another has withered.

I sometimes feel like a partner in a business who has come to the table with a significantly smaller investment than the other person.  Nathan has family who traveled across the state to celebrate Autumn’s arrival while on my side most have never even acknowledged her existence.  This has been especially hard on my mother.  She knew our genetic cereal bowl held more than it’s share of flakes but had no idea her investment in their lives would not be reciprocated.

I don’t want to dwell on the negative because the real purpose of this post is to celebrate Nathan’s family.  God bless you guys.  I don’t know what I’d do without you.