In 27 days I will be prepared. Or on Prozac.

Way back in February I made my reservations for BlogHer. I was so excited and thought, “Man, how am I going to contain all this blogging enthusiasm for five whole months?” Then the blog was hacked. I lost lots of traffic and subscribers, not to mention momentum, and a few personal issues put writing way down on my list of priorities for awhile.

Now I’m back at it and still looking forward to the conference, but my excitement has ramped up to mild hysteria as I realize how much I have to do yet to prepare.

First of all there’s the wardrobe. I have no pants. Well, no weather-appropriate pants. I don’t have any Chicago-in-the-summer type pants that are both flattering and comfortable. I have plenty of sit-on-your-lazy-ass-at-home knit shorts that go well with my late-night-grocery-run tank tops, but those ensembles don’t exactly promote the image of articulate, competent writer I’d like to cultivate. Or maybe fabricate is a better word here. Meh. Tomato, tomahto.

Then there are the business cards and I actually have those covered. Almost. I found these great templates online for creating Moo mini cards and started fiddling around with some designs in Photoshop last night. But I’m freaking out about this because I want the card to be a good representation of the blog. I’m not a designer. I can color inside the lines if you hand me a crayon, but complex graphics software makes me feel as though I’ve just been handed the manual to the space shuttle and asked to fly to the moon (and yes, I know the space shuttle has never landed on the moon).

So far there have been freak outs about packing lists, accessories to go with my shirts (because I have no pants yet) and shoes that will not cripple me or show off too much of my hideous feet. I don’t know how well my crappy (albeit free) laptop will hold up during two days of continuous use, am wondering the same thing about my knees and if my husband’s car will betray me and break down in the city as it did during my last road trip to Chicago.

But most of all I’m wondering how Nathan is going to handle four days alone with Autumn. I would dread it myself if I were him. Each day I’ve spent alone with her lately has left me physically and emotionally spent, so I can only imagine the enthusiasm he’s feeling as the conference approaches. I really have no idea what I’m going to come back to afterwards. Right now I’m envisioning some Poletergeist-like vortex of negative energy that sucks the house into oblivion, leaving nothing but the foundation and the fence that lines the perimeter of our property.

And I’m sure any parent of a three-year old would tell you that’s entirely possible. So don’t judge.