I’ll have the chimichangas with a side order of profanity to go, please

Last night my parents treated us to an anniversary dinner at a local Mexican restaurant.  Autumn loves chips and apparently likes salsa as well, a fact Nathan and I were not privy to before last night.  I was kind of surprised but not; on the one hand she’s not much of a veggie eater but on the other hand she likes food with a little kick.  Never mind that her diet consists mainly of hot dogs, chicken nuggets, corn and melon, the girl does sometimes enjoy a few things with some bite.

Autumn was sitting next to my father and was contentedly dipping (and double dipping) her chips when a chunk of salsa fell from her chip and splattered onto the table.  ”Dammit,” she said.

My mother looked at me, perhaps wondering if the steady stream of Mariachi music playing overhead had caused her to mishear what Autumn had said.  But I confirmed it.  The child had said “dammit.”

I should probably have been embarrassed, or worse, mortified that she had used the word in the correct context.  It wasn’t the first time we had heard her say it or use it correctly.  The day before, I witnessed her frustration as she tried to get into the rocking chair while clinging to a half dozen of her junky toys.  As she climbed up into the cushion, the forward motion of the rocking chair saw her toys spill onto the floor and the word spilled out of her mouth after them.

I grew up in a household where no one ever used profanity.  If we swore, we’d be treated to a tasty bar of Ivory soap or the like.  My parents had a zero tolerance policy for expletives and to this day I’ve yet to hear my father even use the words “ass” or “bullshit.”  I grew up hearing words like “darn it”, “horse puckey” and “bull roar”, so of all the people sitting at that table last night, I thought he’d be the one most taken aback by his granddaughter’s potty mouth.  Instead, he gave me a sheepish look and said, “I think she got that from ‘The Simpsons’.”

Apparently the other day Autumn and her grandpa had watched an episode of “The Simpsons” in which Homer used the world “dammit.”  Autumn parroted the word back to the TV and my parents quickly told her that was a word she’s not supposed to use.  While I appreciate their efforts to maintain a swear-free zone within the boundaries of their home, I told them we choose to ignore these little outbursts because drawing attention to the behavior will only guarantee it will continue.  That much I do know about my child. She loves attention, good or bad.

Of course I can’t ignore that she used the word correctly.  She has recognized the word “dammit” as one a person uses to express frustration or anger, and while I’m impressed she’s made that connection I know it’s not one she made by watching Homer Simpson.  She learned it all from us.  Nathan and I do regularly utilize the word at home and in her presence and think nothing of it.  We also regularly use “shit” and the less profane “crap.”  I do not tolerate the f-bomb though.  No thank you.  The last thing I need is her passing that one on to the kids at daycare.

It’s hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that my daughter is to the point where she comprehends pretty much everything we say.  While she chooses to ignore half of it, she’s also listening more than we think she is and her vocabulary is growing as a consequence.  Profanity is not a sign of intelligence, though.  It’s pretty much the opposite and I’d rather hear her use words like the more imaginative “horse puckey” because not only is it cleaner, it causes one to contemplate the nature of horse puckey and what, exactly, horse puckey might be.  I might just have to consult the Oxford English Dictionary on that one.

I guess Nathan and I are going to have to clean up our acts a bit.  We’re also going to have to put an end to the name-calling.  It’s a fun thing we do in jest, and while we mean no harm in it, we’ve come to learn our daughter has also picked up that behavior.  The other day she called us both “dorks.”  As with the “dammit” at dinner last night, I do believe she used the word correctly.