Today I’ve decided to let go of something that has been bothering me for months.
Letting go means coming to terms with what has passed and accepting that whatever is broken will remain so. At least in this case.
I used to be friends with a group of women, but because of some things that were said and written and implied through things that weren’t said, we’ve become estranged. They are still friends with each other but none of them are friends with me. Looking back on the relationship I had with them, I don’t know if I was ever really a part of their circle, but whatever may have been has now been replaced with me being the odd man out and the reviled party in this whole mess.
No one is perfect. I’m fabulously imperfect and will be the first to admit it. I’m also not averse to admitting when I’m wrong. I was wrong, but I wasn’t 100% culpable.
By now you’re probably thinking I’m breaking one of my blogging rules by posting my feelings about this here. I wouldn’t go so far as saying I’m breaking a rule so much as bending it. Also? I really have no idea if any of them still read this and I’m not writing for them. I’m writing for me.
Losing them hurt, but what hurt more was realizing they are perfectly fine without me. They have no interest in fixing what is broken or acknowledging my attempts to reach out to them. I had a hard time accepting that, but I’m ready to move on now.
I like to hold on to things. I’ve held onto this hurt for awhile, but I’m done feeling like this was all my fault.
And just in case one of them is reading, I do have a few things to share:
You all were the first people other than my immediate family to know I was pregnant.
I spoke up for you when there was talk of you being fired before your probation was over.
I cared enough to create a beautiful afghan for your daughter and even let you pick out the colors.
I confided in you.
I cried when you transferred to another office.
I wanted so much for you to be able to have a child of your own.
I had balls when you had none and fought for you when you weren’t willing to speak up for yourself.
I cared for you all but I’m done. It has become clear that I am not missed and I am no longer going to waste my time missing you.
Comments are closed on this one, folks. Thank you for indulging me. We’ll conintue with our regular schedule of levity and sarcasm after the weekend.
Comments on this entry are closed.