Holidays on ice

I wanted to thank those of you who left comments on Monday’s post, especially Kathi D. and LBC.  You ladies gave some great advice, and as much as I hate to admit that the Y chromosome is a valid excuse for thoughtlessness, I’m afraid I’m going to have to accept it in this case and move on.

Growing up, my brother and I had the best holidays with my mom’s side of the family.  It was always a loud and fun gathering that included my grandparents, my uncle and his second wife and his kids and her kids.  My uncle divorced and re-married when I was too young to remember it, so for me there was no differentiation between who was a step-cousin and who was an actual cousin.  I imagine, given the chance, this could be Autumn’s experience as well.

Sadly, the family gatherings on my side of the family are not what they used to be.  Both of my grandfathers are gone and estrangements between certain members on my mother’s side and my father’s side have resulted in very small parties.  That’s not what I wanted for Autumn and was very glad to have finally felt so comfortably close to Nathan’s family.  The last Christmas we spent together before Nathan’s mom died was the warmest and most enjoyable holiday of my adult life.  I’m glad Autumn was able to be a part of it, even if she was only a year old.

I’m in uncharted territory here.  I have limited experience with blended families and what is expected of me seems to fall outside of my comfort zone.  It took me many years to be at ease around Nathan’s family and I can’t help but feel as though we’re starting all over again.  And honestly, everything seems to be okay until we get to the holidays.  The holidays are still very hard, especially with new faces to get used to.

We’ll get through it and maybe some day we’ll have a Thanksgiving or Christmas where angst isn’t sitting on the table in between the green bean casserole and the cranberry sauce.  So thanks again for your support.  It really means a lot to me.  That being said, I’m afraid I’m going to have to bail on NaBloPoMo for the rest of the month.  I really wanted to make it all the way.  I only have eleven more days to go, but as Nathan pointed out to me last night, I have to let go of something if I’m going to retain my sanity and get that paper written for class.

I’ll still be around, just not every day.  I guess I’ll have to save some of those stories I was going to tell for a later date.